Patience is regarded as a virtue. It’s something that we remind our children, asking them to demonstrate, “patience, please,” as they demand another snack, favorite song, or toy they’ve been pining after. Being a parent has opened my eyes to the smallest bits of the wisdom, grace, and love of God that, every day, make me more and more in awe that we should call him Father. Patience is a critical aspect of discernment as we wait on the Lord to reveal to us, in His time, His will for our lives. It may be that He doesn’t reveal any cause for the effect and, as a result, we learn to walk in complete dependence, whether we ever know the why or not.

Loving our children well requires that we build safety perimeters around their lives. A loving parent ensures the gate to the second story is secure before letting the toddler scoot around on the floor. Out of loving concern we implement rules for them like looking both ways before crossing the street, never accepting a ride from a stranger, and teaching them good manners so they are able to assimilate into their social settings and be welcomed and well received. Most importantly, as christian parents, we strive to teach them Biblical prescription for navigating the daily circumstances of life, remembering that the Holy Spirit is at work bringing our redeemed children into conformity of the image of Christ, just as He is in us (Eph. 4:13). Our loving Father is at work, placing similar perimeters around our life, as we strive to follow Him, so that we may walk in obedience, and not fall to destruction.

As parents, we are given several Biblical prescriptions for parenting that should reflect a mirror back on us as we pursue Christ. King Solomon wrote in Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Paul tells us in Ephesians 6:4, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” The writer of Hebrews tell us in 3:13, “exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.” Paul writes in Galatians in 6:9, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”

We are given an incredible privilege whether as a parent, a teacher of God’s word, or as anyone who bears the image of Christ to demonstrate obedience, discipline, and knowledge of God’s word. In an age where answers are instant, if Google doesn’t know ChatGPT does, where you can pull up to the drive through window on the way home from work and carry a full dinner to the table in paper bags, it is more critical than ever that we practice discernment in the application of Biblical truth for guidance and instruction, lest we be led astray. If we have been entrusted with training up children, we are given a unique capacity to partner with the Holy Spirit, as we model Christ to them, and strive to train them in obedience.

The Bible makes it very clear, we will give an account before God for the blessings He has given. Matthew records in chapter 25:14-30, how the believer is to respond to the blessing of salvation and the spiritual gifts given by the indwelling Holy Spirit. Jesus tells the parable of a master who is going away on a long journey and three servants who are each entrusted a certain amount of money. The first is given the most and offers the most return when the master comes home. The second is given less, but is able to offer the master an equivalent return upon his arrival home. The third buries his money, and has only the initial sum to offer the master when he arrives home. The master praises the first two, but with the third he is angry, chastises the servant, and ultimately dismisses him, casting him to, “outer darkness,” where there will be “weeping and gnashing of teeth (v. 30).” In the parable all three are meant to demonstrate professing believers. The first two are rewarded in accordance to the amount of return based on what was given, but the third who bears no fruit, is exposed as a hypocrite and unbeliever and cast to eternal condemnation. This should make us pause as believers and as parents. Many may be able to recite the gospel, but without having that head knowledge settle into the heart in a redemptive and eternal way, there will be a day that results in “outer darkness,” and “weeping and gnashing of teeth.” It must be that we pray for wisdom and discernment as we evaluate the fruit in our lives as a result of the indwelling Holy Spirit. This same discernment may require us to be patient as we observe the evidence of fruit in the lives of our children, but it is critical that we strive to observe this and intervene should fruit not be observable, training them up when necessary, otherwise we run the risk of leading our children to condemnation.

The Bible gives another chilling example of the fate of one such child, who was not given Godly counsel from his mother or from trusted advisors in 2 Chronicles 22: 3-4. This passage recounts the fate of King Ahaziah, “He also walked in the ways of the house of Ahab, for his mother advised him to do wickedly. Therefore, he did evil in the sight of the LORD, like the house of Ahab; for they were his counselors after the death of his father, to his destruction.” To his destruction. The destruction of this King, according to the word of God, traces back to the counsel he was given by his mother. Any parent who truly loves their child would desire they not suffer eternal “outer darkness,” and “weeping and gnashing of teeth,” and the prevention of such a fate depends, in part, on the training up of these children in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6). God is at work calling the redeemed to Himself, and the Bible says that all who are called will come. In John 6:37 Jesus said, “All those the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away.” But, we have a unique opportunity to partner with the work of the Holy Spirit in the training of our children in Christ, and that is powerful kingdom work given to us by a loving Father, who would allow us to bear His image, and play a role in eternal work. That should drive us again and again to the foot of the cross in desperate desire to walk in wisdom, discernment, and obedience.

The Holy Spirit works in us, conforming us to the image of Christ, but in the wisdom of God He doesn’t reveal to us all of our depravity the moment we become a believer or it would undoubtedly crush us. He patiently grows us into Christ’s image, pruning us, and convicting us incrementally of sin in our life as we study His word. Sometimes we are broken through trial only to be reformed more into Christ’s likeness afterward, “looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God (Hebrews 12:2).” There is no instant button that can apply the sanctification that the Holy Spirit works from the point of rebirth in the Spirit to the point of our death, but it is good that we are patient and diligent to pursue partnering with the Holy Spirit through the regular study of the scriptures, prayer, and meditation of God’s word. It is for our good that we are made more into the image of Christ, even if in that process we experience suffering. We can trust that our loving Father is at work, doing a good work in us that He patiently and wisely persists in because of His love for us.

Albeit a virtue, patience is a struggle for me. It’s especially a struggle when I’m waiting on the Lord to move in the heart of someone I love. When I’ve prayed and prayed and begged the Lord for a certain outcome that He chose not to allow. Discernment is difficult when the ease to lean into a world ideology of apathy or complacency aligns so seamlessly with my flesh’s desire for comfort. And yet, the reward is not given to the servant who buried his treasure. It was given to those who saw the value of investing in that precious gift, spending time multiplying it, and willingly presented it to the master. God forbid we lose sight of the precious gift of our salvation. God forbid we become apathetic in training our children that the Lord has entrusted us to steward. Take heart today. The evidence of fruit may require long suffering, but the Bible promises that, “He is working together all things for the good of those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).” If you are reading this and do not know if the Holy Spirit dwells in you, if you are unsure if you will one day be cast into the outer darkness where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth, come to the cross today. Place your faith in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, understand that you owe a debt for sin that you can not pay. Ask God for forgiveness, profess faith in the blood of Christ that was shed on your behalf to cover your sin in a once and for all sacrificial transaction: Christ’s death in place of your casting out into outer darkness. Surrender to the Holy Spirit, who will begin the process of sanctification in your life at the moment of salvation. Praise God for the death of Christ and for His long-suffering patience, as He waits for all those who have been called to come.