The study of scripture and making it part of daily practice, even when we don’t feel like it, is part of the refining process that God uses to make us more into the image of Christ. I remind myself, when I’m called to obedience that just feels too hard, that if I’m not sweating drops of blood due to the agony of understanding what obedience will require, I still haven’t been asked to obey to the same extent as my Lord. But life really has a way of knocking us down. In some of those hard moments, I’m prone to sarcastically, even bitterly, lament, “well, I’m not Jesus. I don’t have the strength that He did.” He was, after all, God in human form.

While it is true that Jesus is God, and was God while He was on earth, when he took on flesh He became fully man, which means He surrendered His authority, willingly submitting Himself to the will of the Father. At the point that Jesus sweat blood in the garden of Gethsemane, He had the same amount of power that I have access to by the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. So, really, when I find myself in a pool of self-pity thinking that I have every right to wallow because I’m not Jesus, what I’m really saying is, I’d rather wallow in this pool of pity than I am willing to come to the table of discipline and ask God, “what,” instead of “why.” When we ask God, “in what way are you desiring me to grow in your likeness through this,” rather than, “why could you let this happen to me,” we enable the sort of growth that the Lord mercifully uses to sanctify us.

Anxiety drives a lot of my function. I’m afraid of the outcome of events, to an almost paralyzing degree at times, even if all that is being asked of me is simply to interact in social settings. My thoughts turn into a raging series of “what-ifs,” that play like a highlight reel in my mind. Some of these fears are products of things I have actually experienced. Some are the result of knowledge I have due to some of those experiences, but remain hypothetical, and only serve to make me more anxious and more withdrawn. When I fall into these pits of fear and worry, it’s most often during periods of time when I’ve placed myself into the driver’s seat, thinking that if I can just budget well enough, if I can parent well enough, if I wife well enough, if I daughter well enough, if I person well enough, that all will go well. But, the diligent study of scripture teaches us that when things go well, it is simply because of God’s grace, and not as a result of anything we’ve done or not done well enough.

We study scripture because it teaches us about God’s character and rightly positions Him in the driver’s seat. What I learn from my savior, is that willing submission leads to the accomplishing of God’s will through me. When I yield to His control, rather than seeking to cling to the idea that I harbor the capacity for control myself, He is able to accomplish His will through me. Nothing I do will prevent His will from coming to fruition, but when I toil, wrestle with God, seek to fulfill what I believe His plan to be on my own terms, I rob myself of the ability to be used by Him. As long as I dwell in the fear of “what if,” I will never abide in the perfect peace of “even if.”

Even if things go poorly, His plan is perfect. Even if everything looks hopeless, He is still on the throne. Even if I feel like I can’t go on, I know His strength will sustain me. Even if I am called to sacrifice for the name and glory of God, I know that He is making all things new, and will one day restore all that I’ve lost. Studying scripture, even when I don’t know where to start or what to do, and diligently practicing the implementation of its instruction, brings me into the shadow of His wings, as I dwell in the secret place of the Most High. (Psalm 91:1)

Even if I can’t see the plan unfolding, and don’t know the outcome, I can be certain He is bringing together all things for the good of those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).

Today is the day of salvation. Even if you’ve spent a lifetime running, rejected, hurting, alone, it’s not too late to see Him work miracles for your good, and to His glory.

Isaiah 55: 6-7 provides this promise:

Seek the Lord while he may be found;
    call upon him while he is near;
let the wicked forsake his way,
    and the unrighteous man his thoughts;
let him return to the Lord, that he may have compassion on him,
    and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.

No matter where you are in life, seek the Lord. He will have compassion. He will abundantly pardon even if you’ve run from Him for a long time. His desire is for you to come to Him.

God bless.