There have been plenty of points in my life where I found myself teetering between the expectation of the world and the holy expectation of God. Human nature wants to find a compromise. It wants to ‘have its cake and eat it too,’ so to speak. Choosing righteousness is not the natural inclination of the flesh. Scripture tells us that, “the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do” (Galatians 5:17). But, the problem with making a concession is that I’ve not satisfied God partially with my partial obedience. I have not been able to keep some of God’s expectations for me and indulge in keeping from obedience the parts that are too difficult to keep. This has ultimately caused me inexplicable strife and grief, as I attempted to choose between what I wanted to do and what I knew the Spirit was calling me to do. The problem is not the expectation of God. Rather, it reveals a hole in my faith that God is in control of the outcome and a lack of trust that the outcome He has and that His will for me are good.

Since coming to faith in Jesus, the main concession that I wanted to make was keeping my past sins secret. I thought that by serving faithfully, and living obediently (nearly to the point of legalism) it would eradicate the need for me to make confession, to face the consequence of sins that I had chosen prior to coming to salvation, early in my walk, and even daily sins that, by comparison, seem little in contrast to the sins of my past. But, they are not little to God. Ten years ago, as a new believer, I had decades of world habits, sin patterns, and struggles that I attempted to just stifle and snuff out. Walking in obedience required the exposure of some of that sin, only by bringing it into the light is it able to be properly handled, and absolved. It was the only manner by which I ultimately attained freedom from sin and shame, though the regret and shame of my past is still a daily overcoming, I now live in the freedom from fear of my sin being exposed. Additionally, I was piling new sins on top of the pile of former sins, as I became more and more sure that I was able to atone for my past insurrections through acts of service and obedience. I became judgmental and self-righteous at times; I was becoming one of those Christians that for so long gave me ’cause’ to avoid the judgement and hypocrisy of the church.

When Christ said His yoke was easy, it was not because the Christian walk is, but because He is yoked to us, and walks beside us as we pursue the Christian walk. It’s no wonder the apostle Paul wrote, “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me” (2 Corinthians 12:9). I could not carry the yoke of my former sin on my own. I could not atone for some of the earthly consequences of sin by simply living righteously enough to erase the past. There were still steps necessary to take in order for me to find true freedom. Repentance and confession to God for sin precedes any further action, but it was necessary for me to confess to those that had been directly affected by my sin, seek forgiveness, and demonstrate behavior in accordance with God’s holy expectations. Confession and repentance does not mandate any expected response, though for the believer, the command is forgiveness and reconciliation, these should not be the motivation for confession and repentance, rather the motivation comes from a heart that desires to be obedient and reconciled to God.

Jesus Christ came so that we may have hope. Our human nature will wage war against the sort of obedience that the Biblical prescription for handling sin requires. But, at the root of it, is the reality that we can accomplish none of it on our own. I was so rooted in behavior that sought to hide my sin it took ten years before I was able to start making confession and the Lord had to press hard down on me to get me to comply. I didn’t want to utter the truth of the things I’d done to the man I love more than anything in this world, second only to God, but in doing so he was given an opportunity to obey, extend forgiveness and the grace of Christ to me, and as I revealed more and more of truly what God had changed about my life, the glory of God was able to be revealed all the more.

Confessing sin to a holy God who is right to condemn and judge us is daunting. One of the things that held me back for so long from running to God was the idea that a God so holy could never forgive a wretch like me. I believed He could never love me. Never forgive me. But what I found, when finally I came crawling to the foot of the cross, was grace. I found freedom and hope in Christ.

Today is the day of salvation. If you haven’t received the grace of Christ, come to the cross. Come. No matter what your life looks like. There’s no need to tidy up before facing Jesus. He came to seek and save the lost. Nothing is hidden from His sight anyway. It’s not like He doesn’t already know all that you’re attempting to hide. You can’t clean it up on your own. He’s the only one who can grab the broom handle and begin sweeping clean a life stained by sin.

Mark captures the heart of Jesus in 2:16-17, “And the scribes of the Pharisees, when they saw that he was eating with sinners and tax collectors, said to his disciples, “Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners? And when Jesus heard it, he said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.”

Today is the day of salvation.

God bless.